


Brave vs Smart

by IJustMetAGirlNamedMaria (orphan_account)



Category: The Prom (2020), The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/IJustMetAGirlNamedMaria
Summary: Shelby hated Emma. She didn't think lesbians where gross, or anything. She didn't even believe in the hell angle, really. She hated Emma because she was stupid. It wasn't hard, to pretend, to keep all those feelings to yourself. Shelby did it every day. If she could stay normal when Kaylee sat on her lap, or lifted her in cheer practice, or kissed her on the cheek, why couldn't Emma? Shelby was just being reasonable. Safe. And Emma wasn't. Worse, she had chosen it. And it made Shelby furious.Basically The Prom from Shelby's perspective, and a character study.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene & Shelby, Emma/Alyssa (background, Kaylee/Shelby (The Prom Musical), Kelby (the prom musical), Shelby & Emma Nolan
Kudos: 52





	Brave vs Smart

Shelby hated Emma. She didn't think lesbians where gross, or anything. She didn't even believe in the hell angle, really. She hated Emma because she was stupid. It wasn't hard, to pretend, to keep all those feelings to yourself. Shelby did it every day. If she could stay normal when Kaylee sat on her lap, or lifted her in cheer practice, or kissed her on the cheek, why couldn't Emma? Shelby was just being reasonable. Safe. And Emma wasn't. Worse, she chosen it. And it made Shelby furious.  
She brushed past Emma in the halls, Kaylee on her arm and Alyssa at her heels.  


"Unlike your social life, this is not over."  
She hissed, as a reminder to herself as much as Emma. She glanced back, watching Alyssa's face understand the threat, though not directed at her. Alyssa looked down, not at Emma, as she walked by. Good. Shelby told herself she was just trying to protect her friend. She knew about Alyssa, of course she did. She saw it in Alyssa's eyes every time she looked at Emma. That love. It made her sick, that Alyssa had so litte control.  


Shelby had been somewhere close to in love with Kaylee for almost two years now. And it was fine. They both had boyfriends. And Shelby liked Kevin fine. He was hot. Shelby was bisexual so she could at least appreciate that. Kaylee would never like her back, but Shelby didn't care. She wasn't going to act on it. She wasn't stupid. She was smart. She was making the smart choice.  


Then she heard about Emma and Alyssa's little plan. The coming out. She knew she had to do something, keep Alyssa safe. She did what she had to do, to help her friend. Kaylees willingness to go along with it just confirmed what Shelby already knew. They had to be punished for making the dangerous choice. Because if there was no danger, no threat that lay with coming out, then Shelby had been hiding for no reason. She gripped the pen as she signed the paperwork for the second prom.   


And she was smart when she did it. It took that level of intelligence to hide something from her friend, to get her other idiot friends to not ruin it. Shelby was a cheerleader, yes. She was pretty. But she was brilliant. Even Alyssa would have to admit that when she saw what she'd done.  


Then came the day. Shelby got dressed for prom with Kaylee. As they smoothed their dresses in the mirror and sang along to Taylor Swifts old music to hype them up, Shelby allowed one moment. Just one. To look in the mirror next to Kaylee and imagine they where going together. To picture dancing with her. Kissing her. Just being a couple.  
"You look really nice." She murmured.  
"You too babe!" Kaylee squealed, like the straight girl she was.  
Then Kaylees boyfriend, Nick, honked his car, and Kaylee rushed down the stairs to meet him. Shelby looked in the mirror, and wiped her eyes before her mascara could run. This was fine. For the first time, she wondered if being smart was worth being dishonest. If Kaylee could love her back, maybe that would have been enough for Shelby to be stupid, and brave, like Emma. Maybe she would have made the same decisions. She looked away from the mirror. Whatever. It was too late now.  


She arrived at the prom, the real one, for straight people and the people smart enough to pretend to be. She met Kaylee, but didn't quite look her in the eye. And then Alyssa ran up to them. She hasn't made an effort to look happy. Her mascara was starting to run.  
"You lied to me!"  
Shelby spit out.  
"Who's the liar? We know about you and Emma."  
The realization dawned on her face.  
"We're doing you a favor." Shelby said. She was suprised when she could actually see Alyssas heart breaking. Like a cheer pyramid collapsing, Alyssa's heart broke in front of her. And she didn't even have the control to hide it. Alyssa dialed her phone in front of them, and walked away in a daze. It was strange. Shelby had been expecting gratitude, maybe. A thank you. She had saved her friend from that void of shame and fear. She had made the smart decision for her. But when Kaylee floated off to dance with Nick, Shelby didn't feel happy. She wondered if Emma was happy. Not right now she wasn't. Shelby watched Alyssa sob in the corner on her phone. She had done that.  
But then Alyssa didn't leave. She went to the bathroom and came out with a fake smile and danced the rest of the night. And Shelby did the same. Yes. This was how it was supposed to be. She was safe, here. Alyssa had confirmed her choice was the right one. And Shelby enjoyed this prom that she had put on and didn't think once about Emma Nolan. 

And a week passed. Shelby played the part of the homophobic Christian and so did Alyssa. All of them where hanging out at the mall. Except Alyssa. She didn't spend time with them anymore. Whatever. So their friend group lost another lesbian. It wasn't the first time.  


Shelby was sitting next to Kaylee, close, when Trent showed up. Shelby wasn't listening, not really. She didn't actually believe in God. She kept turning, expecting to see Alyssa, so they could make fun of him together. But she was gone. Because of Shelby. Alyssa was always the brain, even more that Shelby. And she had been about to come out. Here they where, talking about how there was one being that knew right from wrong, a God Shelby didn't really believe in. But she had assumed she knew better than Alyssa. And Emma. Who was she, to decide what was smart. Shelby looked at Kaylee. She got a little line between her eyebrows when she frowned, and her lips where pouted just a bit. God she was gorgeous. Shelby spoke up, her voice steady.  
"He has a point. I mean don't you feel slightly bad for Emma? I mean you used to hang out." We all used to hang out. The four of us. You kissed me, on a dare, remember? She thought. Kaylee held her eye contact. Did she even remember that night? Any of those nights?  
"But-but that was before she turned gay." Emphasis on Before. Like before someone said it, it didn't count. It counted to Shelby. It counted to Emma, probably, and Alyssa. Maybe it counted to Kaylee, too.  
"Maybe she was always gay."  


And then Trent said something, then Nick. And Kaylee kept her eyes on Shelby's. She didn't look away, to Nick. Maybe being brave had its benfits. 

So the tide turned. All of these peers she had spent so long being safe for suddenly didn't mind gay people. Suddenly being in the closet wasn't all about safety.   


Shelby stopped hanging out with her friends. If she was with Alyssa, she would tell her. She'd have to apologize. If she was with Kaylee, she might actually confess. And that would be stupid. She couldn't afford to do that, so she let the walls of her room be the blockade. There was always a blockade. Maybe it wasn't about being smart all along. Maybe it was just about being scared. She broke up with Kevin in a text. He deserved better but she had always been a coward. She didn't answer Kaylees phonecalls. 

Then Kaylee texted her that shit was going down at the gym. Kaylee never swore. There was a debate happening, over the new prom. Shelby drove there alone.   


Trent looked at her asked her what she thought. The adults where arguing. They where being homophobic. And they assumed the kids where homophobic. And for the first time, Shelby was sick of being afraid. She stepped out of the crowd. And in front of all those people, she apologized. She expected more of a reaction from Emma, but her face was still. Like she was expecting it to come crashing down at any moment. All she said was,  
"I thought you hated me."  
Shelby breathed shakily. She was going to say so much.  
"I-"  
"Oh they hated you alright!" Trent interrupted. Shelby went back into the crowd. She watched, silently as everything went down. Then she felt a presence. Kaylees hand held hers. They watched, as Alyssa came out. Everyone was shocked, but they already knew. Shelby smiled at she ran into Emma's arms. It was about time one of then was brave. They whispered to each other, in stupid, stupid love. Shelby looked at Kaylee, who watched it all with a grin. Then one of the Broadway guys shouted something about building a prom and everyone went one way or another.  


Shelby looked at Kaylee and felt brave. Or ar least done with being scared.  
"I'm bisexual." She whispered, so that just she could hear. Kaylees green eyes flashed with shock. There was that little crease between her brows.  
"Oh. What is that?"  
"I still like guys I just also like girls or whatever." Kaylee tilted her head back, like when she was trying to calculate flips in cheer. Taking in all the angles.  
"Ok." She inhaled. "I broke up with Nick."  
"I broke up with Kevin."  
Kaylee looked out at the gym.  
"Do you know if you have to be in a homosexual couple to go to this thing?"  
"I think it doesn't matter."  
"Do you want to go with me anyway?"  
Shelby smiled. Kaylees hand never left hers.  
"Sure." 

It was different, this prom. Shelby felt it from the moment she stepped into Kaylees room. There was something weird about her. Shelby could tell from the way she did her makeup in utter silence. Usually she attempted conversation, but trailed off with every other thought. Tension, that's what it was. This was what she had been worried about. Stupid. God she was stupid. Kaylee ruffled her hair, to get it to fall just so, before spraying on the hairspray to lock it in.  
"How did you know?" Kaylee said finally.  
"What?"  
"That you where bisexual or whatever. I googled it last night."  
"I don't know. I just..." she trailed off. "You know how you get hot for guys and check them out, and could imagine kissing them and being all romantic? I get that with girls, too."  
Kaylee frowned. "Doesn't every girl?"  
Shelby paused. "No, Kaylee, they don't. Do you like girls?" She kept her voice steady.  
Kaylee looked in the mirror, fixing her neckline.  
"I don't know. It's confusing." She looked at Shelby, who shrugged. Maybe, maybe, that little voice in her head whispered. She turned her attention back to the mirror. Kaylee was staring at her, in the mirror. Shelby focused on her own reflection.  
"Let's turn on some music." She said, clearing her throat. 

They walked into prom, hand in hand. Kaylees bracelets brushed against the tender part of Shelby's wrist. The prom was beautiful. It was hard to imagine it was ever the gym they practiced in every day. The ceilings where covered with this sparkly tarp, and cardboard cutouts of ornate city skylines lined the wall. And it was full to the brim with people. Shelby had never seen so much dyed hair before.  
"Everyone here is so..." Kaylee trailed off.  
"Gay?"  
"Yeah. Not in a bad way but it just. You know." She said quickly.  
Shelby understood what she meant. It was strange, to ge surrounded by so much queerness. Couples kissed. She saw three different people with they/them pins pass. It was overwhelming. She was so used to hiding, to being the other. Now she was one of many. It was disorienting. Kaylees eyes lingered on every inch of space. She held her breath when she was nervous.  
"Breathe, Kaylee. Why don't you get in line for the pictures and I'll get us some punch?"  
Kaylee nodded. Her hand lingered in Shelby's for a moment, her fingers grazing as she walked away. Shelby couldn't think, as she watched Kaylee walk away. Punch. She needed a drink. She walked over to the table.  
Alyssa was pouring two cups.  
"Hey. I like your dress, purple looks better on you." Shelby said. Alyssa jumped.  
"Oh. Hi." She said, setting the cups down. Her shoulders where back. Defensive guard.  
"I just wanted to say sorry. For everything. I never got to apologize to you."  
"Its ok." Alyssa murmered, eyes on her shoes.  
Shelby took a deep breath.  
"Can you hang out with us again? Please? I miss you. You can bring Emma. I'd like to get to know her again anyway."  
Alyssa looked shocked, but she relaxed, a little. She was easier to read than she thought she was.  
"Um. Ok. Sure."  
They both stayed there for a moment, so much unsaid. Shelby looked back at Kaylee.  
"I broke up with Kevin."  
"Why?"  
Shelby took a deep breath in.   
"I'm in love with Kaylee. Also I'm bisexual. And I've known both for years. I was just. I don't know. Scared? I kept telling myself I was being smart, but I wasn't. I was being a coward, and I hurt the people I cared about. Of course that doesn't excuse my treatment of either of you, but I guess I wanted to explain it? At least that." She said it. She couldn't take it back now. Now, it was real.  
Alyssa blinked, stunned.   
"I've never told anyone that."   
Alyssa took a breath in.  
"That was a lot of information to take in in 5 seconds!" She laughed. Shelby exhaled, laughing too.  
"I forgive you. We'll hang out this weekend, ok?"  
"Ok."  
"Are you here with her?" Alyssa whispered.  
"Yeah."  
"Text me how it goes, I have to get back to my girlfriend." She stumbled over that last word, grinning. She looked back at Emma, who was staring back at her, lovestruck.  
"Have fun." Shelby muttered. Her chest ached, the way they looked at each other. She looked back at Kaylee, who was standing awkwardly in line. She gave a little half wave, and an awkward grin. Maybe one day.  
Shelby walked over, drinks in hand.  
"Are these spiked?" Kaylee asked, sniffing the cups.  
"No."  
"You're no fun." She wrinkled her nose adorably, and sipped her drink, leaving a pink lipstick stain. Her lipstick was faded, just a little. Shelby looked anywhere else. Overhead, the song changed to Crush by Tessa Violet. Kaylees face lit up.  
"Hey, I dont actually care about the pictures, we can do them later, but if we don't dance to this song right now I will literally never be your friend again." She was almost vibrating to the music. She set her cup down on a table and made Shelby do the same. Shelby rolled her eyes.  
"You think I'm tepid but I'm misdiagnosed/cuz I'm a stalker I've seen all of your posts." She sang, taking Shelby's hands in hers, and swaying them side to side.  
"Ugh, fine." Shelby said, barely hiding a grin. Kaylee dragged her on the floor, giggling.  
"Cuz I'm just tryina play it cool now/ but that's not what I wanna do noww." Kaylee said, moving her shoulders to the beat. Shelby laughed, mimicking her.  
"How are you on the cheer team and still so bad at dancing?" She teased. Kaylee gasped.  
"How dare you!" She laughed, spinning Shelby just as the chorus hit.  
"I could be your crush, crush, crush, crush, crush." Kaylee sang.  
"Take you for a rush, rush, rush, rush, rush." Shelby finished, grinning.  
The second verse started and the danced, the distance closing more and more. Kaylee was taller than her, just so she had to look up. Her eyes where bright green, and her eyelids heavy, looking down at Shelby. They danced to the beat. She might have imagined it, but she could almost swear Kaylee looked down at her lips.  
"This is our song now." Kaylee whispered.  
"What?"  
"Because this is how I feel about you, so this is our song." She said softly, so that just she could hear. The song ended. Shelby didn't move, distinctly aware of the heat in her face. She couldn't decide if it was from the promiximity or the dancing, or Kaylees words.  
"What?" She breathed.  
"I have a question."  
"Ok."  
"Is this a date?" Kaylee asked. Shelby couldn't quite read her face.  
"Do you want it to be?"  
"Yeah. I do."  
"Then it is."  
The next song started and they haven't moved. Kaylee looked around.  
"I don't like this song. Come on." She said, taking Shelby's hand. They ran across the gym floor, drawing stares. So this was what out of control was like. Kaylee stopped by the gym door, her face pink and her eyes on Shelby. Some stray curls had escaped the clutch of her hairspray. Shelby loved being out of control, she decided. Kaylee opened the gym door, dragging her out. There where tables out here, too. The night had a spring breeze, but Shelby didn't feel cold.  
"Look at the sky." Kaylee said.  
The stars where out, dotting the sky. The moon was almost full. It was incomparably beautiful.  
"Stars." Shelby whispered.  
"Yeah. Someone in line was talking about bringing their date out here."  
"Its very romantic." Shelby said, looking at Kaylee. The moonlight caught her flyaway hairs.  
"I want you to kiss me." Kaylee said, her eyes on the stars. She looked at Shelby. Her eyes where on Shelby's lips, and her face was expectant. She was holding her breath. Shelby made her nervous. Her heart pounded. Here it was. How many times had she pictured this? She'd spent so many hours trying not to think about kissing Kaylee and now she could. She pinched her arm, just to check. Kaylees expression shifted. She looked crestfallen. Shelby had waited too long. Kaylee turn away.  
"I'm sorry I-"  
Shelby gently took Kaylees chin, turning her towards face towards Shelby, and kissed her. Kaylee kissed her back, softly. Shelby put all her love into that gentle kiss. Her lips where soft as they'd ever been. The sweet taste of punch lingered. Kaylee broke it, barely pulling away, so that Shelby could still feel her hot breath on her lips.  
"Girls lips are so much softer than boys." She said under her breath. Then she leaned in and kissed her again, just pressing their lips together for a moment. Shelby pulled away, taking a deep breath. Kaylees face was pink, and her mouth was a little swollen. Her eyes where dark, and hadn't left Shelby's mouth.  
"I'm definitely bisexual." Kaylee said. Shelby closed her eyes, laughing a little. She breathed in, gathering her courage.  
"I really like you. Like a lot. So if you don't like me as much as I like you, that's ok, I'm just worried the kiss having some mixed messages-" Kaylee cut her off with another quick kiss.  
"I like you too. Also a lot."  
Shelby stuttered. "Cool."  
"Nice to know what makes you stop talking." Kaylee teased. Shelby laughed.  
"Shut up."  
Kaylees lips where magenta, the combination of Shelby's purple lipstick and Kaylees pink.  
"Do you want to go back in?" Kaylee asked. "I think they're playing Emma's song and I want to tease her about it. Also I should probably apologize." She added, as an afterthought. Shelby's brain hadn't caught up yet. Kaylee had super light freckles, all over her nose.  
"Probably, yeah. Let's go."  
Shelby took Kaylees hand, and they walked in together.  
Shelby couldn't help but grin. Turns out, it felt really good to be brave, and really, really good to be stupid.


End file.
